On Thursday, I brought donuts to work. Krispy Kreme was apparently
trying to offload their special holiday cookie tins, and I got one
free! It included sugar cookie mix. I figured Dex and I could do it
together. He could pour stuff, blah blah.
Well, we started. I still hate Dennis's stupid KitchenAid mixer with a huge passion. I don't know how I'm supposed to add things to the bowl when I pretty much don't have access to the bowl. But Dex enjoyed watching the thing mix, especially making it go FAST! And, somehow, much to my constant amazement, he did not try to stick his hands in the bowl while the mixer was mixing.
This was one of those deals where you are supposed to refrigerate the dough for an hour or more. So I tried to make a log of dough in wax paper like the instructions said. Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a giant disaster. Then I managed to tear some of the wax paper, so dough started oozing out of the side as I tried to shape it. Then Dex stuck a spoon in the top and made another hole in the wax paper. So yeah, I was done. Just threw the whole blob into the fridge & sent him on his way to naptime.
After nap, I pulled the thing out and proceeded to cut cookie shapes out of it. I had some actual cookie cutters and some play doh cutters (washed). Dexter wasn't into that. He played legos while I slaved over the freaking cookie dough and mess-o-flour. He finally came over to put some sprinkles on some of the cookies.
THEN I decided we should ice the cookies, because I am not really a fan of un-iced sugar cookies. We could color the icing, learn that blue and red make purple, all kinds of fun stuff. But I didn't want to go to the store and get icing, so I figured we could just make some, since the dumb mixer was out anyway. Homemade icing is better, too.
And so began the next stage of this giant mess. Dexter's grandma's icing recipe (actually very good) called for Dream Whip, which of course I did not have. So I found another recipe on the interwebz. I pulled out the shortening and powdered sugar and used the demon KA mixer again to make frosting. Dex helped. When we were done, we took a little taste. Yuck.
So I added more powdered sugar and a tiny bit more liquid. Tasted again. Yuck. oooookay. Must be this weird new recipe, right?
Oh well. On to the coloring.
He enjoyed it a lot, but he made a HUGE mess. Decided to knead the food coloring into the icing instead of stirring with a spoon. Whatever. I didn't expect it to be a clean process.
I tasted it again. Gross. So then I just put a spoonful or two of splenda in each little colored bowl. Tasted again. STILL gross.
Then I thought to check the expiration date on the shortening. August 2009. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I made CUPS and CUPS of icing with disgusting, rancid, expired lard. I'm just glad I checked before we put it on the cookies.
Well, we started. I still hate Dennis's stupid KitchenAid mixer with a huge passion. I don't know how I'm supposed to add things to the bowl when I pretty much don't have access to the bowl. But Dex enjoyed watching the thing mix, especially making it go FAST! And, somehow, much to my constant amazement, he did not try to stick his hands in the bowl while the mixer was mixing.
This was one of those deals where you are supposed to refrigerate the dough for an hour or more. So I tried to make a log of dough in wax paper like the instructions said. Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a giant disaster. Then I managed to tear some of the wax paper, so dough started oozing out of the side as I tried to shape it. Then Dex stuck a spoon in the top and made another hole in the wax paper. So yeah, I was done. Just threw the whole blob into the fridge & sent him on his way to naptime.
After nap, I pulled the thing out and proceeded to cut cookie shapes out of it. I had some actual cookie cutters and some play doh cutters (washed). Dexter wasn't into that. He played legos while I slaved over the freaking cookie dough and mess-o-flour. He finally came over to put some sprinkles on some of the cookies.
THEN I decided we should ice the cookies, because I am not really a fan of un-iced sugar cookies. We could color the icing, learn that blue and red make purple, all kinds of fun stuff. But I didn't want to go to the store and get icing, so I figured we could just make some, since the dumb mixer was out anyway. Homemade icing is better, too.
And so began the next stage of this giant mess. Dexter's grandma's icing recipe (actually very good) called for Dream Whip, which of course I did not have. So I found another recipe on the interwebz. I pulled out the shortening and powdered sugar and used the demon KA mixer again to make frosting. Dex helped. When we were done, we took a little taste. Yuck.
So I added more powdered sugar and a tiny bit more liquid. Tasted again. Yuck. oooookay. Must be this weird new recipe, right?
Oh well. On to the coloring.
He enjoyed it a lot, but he made a HUGE mess. Decided to knead the food coloring into the icing instead of stirring with a spoon. Whatever. I didn't expect it to be a clean process.
I tasted it again. Gross. So then I just put a spoonful or two of splenda in each little colored bowl. Tasted again. STILL gross.
Then I thought to check the expiration date on the shortening. August 2009. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I made CUPS and CUPS of icing with disgusting, rancid, expired lard. I'm just glad I checked before we put it on the cookies.
So then the cleanup proceeds. I just put Dex in the sink, because he was pretty messy already. Then I just spread some green icing on his tummy, which he thought was pretty funny. Then we covered more of him with icing.. So he sat over there in that side of the sink like a greased pig while I worked on the rest of the dishes.
I put as much of the icing as possible in the trash vs. greasing up my kitchen plumbing. I hand-washed just about everything (including other dishes that were just sitting in the sink but got contaminated) and then soaked it some more in soapy water. As I was putting some of it in the dishwasher, I noticed it was STILL greasy.
I realized Dexter would ALSO be this greasy. I got Dennis to help, since I didn't want to put him in the bathtub and get grease all over the tub & toys. We stripped his diaper off and started washing him with dish soap. Dennis realized that was not quite going to cut it, so he got the orange pumice stuff. He was still greasy after THAT, too. I got some Dawn and gave him another sudsing & rinsing. He was still a little slimy in the creases, but it was much better. Some of it wiped off with a towel, and I think Dennis did an extra good job in the bathtub, because some of Dex's skin was stained with food coloring, and we really didn't want to send him to daycare with what looked like an 8" bruise on the back of his leg & butt.
So yes. Making cookie dough (from a mix, no less) = fail.
Forming cookie dough into a log = fail.
Cutting shapes = not terrible, but no bonding time, either.
Icing making = huge fail.
Kitchen cleanup = not sure if it's a fail, but it took at least 90 minutes.
Kid cleanup = eventual success, but it took 4 tries.
Why do I get these crazy ideas? From now on, Pillsbury cookie dough logs + store-bought icing. Geez.
It was such a huge day of fail. After it was all over, I went to Dex and said, "Mom needs a hug." He gave me a big ol' hug AND a kiss and said, "Mom make a big boom Legos?" (that would be a lego volcano) Which was pretty nice, because big boom Legos is pretty much Dennis's domain. So I guess the day wasn't a TOTAL fail.
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